Is Family Life Education Under Attack?
Yes, as are LGBTQIA Students and Fairfax Volunteers!
Content Warning: The blog below includes some hateful terms, phrases, and imagery. These were deemed necessary for context and to explain extremist beliefs that may be unknown or unclear to the reader.
Of course, 2025 began with fiery rhetoric and inaccurate blogs from hate groups about Fairfax County Public Schools (FCPS). I’m sure no one is surprised after the fabricated National Merit Certificate crisis of 2023 which cost over $1.6 million in outside legal fees, and annual election “October surprises” from the Daily Wire and Fairfax Times.
However, this current campaign hits me personally, because hate groups and others are questioning the very existence of LGBTQIA kids, families, and staff while also targeting the safety of student, staff, and parent volunteers on Family Life Education Curriculum Advisory Committee (FLECAC).
As a member of FLECAC, I don’t appreciate the threatening language used against my fellow committee members, much less name-calling and reputational harm of any of us. Similarly, as the co-leader of FCPS Pride (and an American!), I fundamentally believe in the importance of protecting civil rights, including those of LGBTQIA kids, families, and staff to have access to a respectful and safe educational experience.
I am dismayed by the angry rhetoric surrounding Mark Spooner’s 12/31/24 Fairfax County School Monitor (Monitor) blog, which was amplified by the Fairfax GOP and a SPLC-defined hate group, Parents Defending Education (PDE). This amplification and associated disinformation has inflamed the community, possibly endangering volunteers, while advocating to infringe on the civil rights of the LGBTQIA community in our public schools.
The related blogs and responsive comments misrepresent the work and efforts of FCPS while they also malign and endanger the volunteers of the FLE committee, including parents, students, educators, staff, and public health professionals. Responses to PDE’s links to Spooner’s blog likened the FLE committee to child abusers, groomers, molesters, and the “mentally ill” doing the devil’s work.
I will attempt to correct the record below while explaining some of the inaccuracies, anti-LGBTQIA dog whistles, and civil rights impact of Spooner’s blog.
Summary of the Monitor Blog
Unfortunately, this current disinformation campaign was triggered by the Monitor blog which focuses yet again on sex education, known as Family Life Education (FLE) in Fairfax County. The Monitor is a blog written by Spooner, a retired octogenarian lawyer, who has sued FCPS multiple times and actively works with the Fairfax GOP and local political and dark money groups. His blog is influenced by his conservative viewpoint, but also seems to display a lack of understanding of public schools and 21st century students and families. The Monitor has been reprinted by the Fairfax GOP over a dozen times, thus can be considered a political blog, particularly when it advocates against equity, LGBTQIA rights, FLE, inclusive education, teacher’s rights, etc.
At first glance, Spooner’s blog, which was accompanied by a more detailed letter to the FLECAC, sounds somewhat reasonable: it uses calm, lawyerly language to describe policy differences and significant confusion about the FLE curriculum and FLECAC. Unfortunately, the blog assumed malevolent intent on behalf of the FLECAC, and Spooner did not verify such suppositions with unbiased parties, much less anyone on the FLECAC; therefore, his blog is fundamentally inaccurate and flawed.
Although Spooner avoids easily identifiable hate speech, the blog and associated letter are far from benign. They are filled with anti-LGBTQIA dog whistles, and the pejorative descriptive words applied to LGBTQIA children and our friends and family are appalling. His blog and letter also contradict the FLE goals to work toward a more inclusive FLE curriculum.
Fundamentally, his blog advocated for anyone who is NOT cisgender and heterosexual to just stay in the closet, as if LGBTQIA students lose their rights when they walk in the schoolhouse door. Thus, if one follows the logic and subtext of the Monitor blog and letter, trans, non-binary, gay, intersex, and queer people are too “controversial”, “non-conforming”, or “contradict basic science” and therefore should be excluded from the FLE curriculum and public school conversations. That would mean that the nearly 20% of high students who identify as LGBTQIA+ would have their civil rights trampled, and other students would remain in the dark about anyone other than cisgender, heterosexual people in FLE.
Spooner touted “parental rights” as the reason for his suggested changes to the FLE curriculum, but he seemed to forget that: 1) parents of LGBTQIA students have rights, 2) all parents have rights, and 3) he is not a parent in our schools. Additionally, “parent’s rights” are currently observed and respected by the FCPS FLE program, since parents can opt their children out of any portion of the curriculum.
Accuracy Matters
It is true that Spooner has attended the meetings since October of this year; however, beyond that, there is little accuracy about the FLECAC and FLE curriculum in his blog. Specifically, Spooner hypothesizes the intent of FLECAC members individually and as a whole; however, it is unlikely that he can know the intent of any individual, much less over 20 adults and students who are active members of FLECAC. I have witnessed and been part of heated, but respectful, discussions in FLECAC, so I can tell you firsthand that the committee is not a monolith, and even I cannot divine the intent of individuals on the committee, outside of the common interest in supporting student health, safety, and education.
At an October FLECAC meeting, I was dismayed to see Spooner trying to photograph the sign-in sheet of the FLECAC members, despite our names being publicly available online. His actions made me feel intimidated, particularly since he would withdraw from this task each time I walked toward the table. Additionally, his behavior toward another spectator who witnessed him photographing the signature list was both defensive and aggressive. It was reported that he also used…shall we say…”caustic” language with this spectator.
In his blog, Spooner spent significant time describing the December FLECAC draft document; however, he ignored or misunderstood critical facts:
The second and third columns of the chart were not draft language, but current language that has been used for years (e.g., the existence of different types of families, including families that have same gender parents, single parents or guardians.)
The information in the right two columns were strawman language, not proposed language; therefore, to call them “draft” language is quite a stretch.
It was agreed that the FCPS team was going to revise the draft document for discussion at the January meeting. Thus, the December draft would be overwritten by a January draft, and likely a February draft.
Spooner questioned the FLECAC’s vote to add “gender” to a different identities of students, which included “race, cultures and traditions, religion, and dis/ability.” Although there was a sound rationale for this addition by FLECAC, he did not seem to capture it, and he had great concerns about the additional language, although it seemed uncontroversial to me, since a person’s identity is reflected by their gender in addition to their racial, religious, or other identities. Whether one is a boy or a girl, one’s identity is driven by gender. This is evidenced by gendered clothing, gender roles, social expectations, work load, pay, and more. Whether a child identifies as cisgender (where gender assigned at birth matches their gender identity) or is transgender (where gender identity may not match their gender assigned at birth).
Throughout his blog and letter, Spooner asserted that FLE should teach students non-scientific terms and ideology which do not comply with the law, or FCPS regulations. In many cases, his suggestions for the FLE curriculum would fall under the purview of parents' rights, not public school curriculum.
For example, Spooner objected to the inclusion of intersex in the curriculum. He defined intersex as a “non-hetero-practice” and a “nonconforming sexual relationship” when intersex is actually a status of being, not a practice. Being intersex means that a person has chromosomes, genitals, or reproductive organs that don’t “fit into a male/female binary.” As the Cleveland Clinic notes, intersex traits may be apparent at birth or later in life (e.g., puberty), and that being intersex should not be considered a “disorder, disease, or condition.”
As many as 2% of children born are intersex, which is approximately the same percentage as children who are redheads. If this percentage holds true for FCPS students, then as many as 3,600 students in FCPS may be intersex, which is not an insignificant number.
In truth, I know very little about intersex individuals (learn more here), but as a mother of two redheads, I wouldn’t want my children to be excluded or maligned in a curriculum because they are “gingers.” Intersex children exist and they and their peers need scientifically accurate and inclusive FLE.
Anti-LGBTQIA Dog-Whistles
It is impossible in this space to capture and explain all of the dog whistles in Spooner’s blog and letter, so I will focus on two terms he uses: “transgenderism” and “gender ideology.”
First, Spooner falsely reported that the FLE committee “favor[ed] lessons on transgenderism in elementary grades.” What are “transgenderism” lessons? I have no idea, thus Spooner’s use of the term made little sense, until I did some research–GLAAD says that this word “arises from anti-trans extremists who seek to delegitimize and dehumanize trans people by implying that being trans is an ideology rather than an identity.” Furthermore, even Christian groups have identified that "transgenderism" is "the word of choice in the culture wars today," thus they recommend less combative and negative words if one wants to open up conversation.
It was explained to me that using the word “transgenderism” (a.k.a., “trans ideology”) is an effort to deny the very existence of transgender people. Anti-trans extremists have repeated this hateful revisionist term, thus in conservative circles, it has become an accepted term and viewpoint despite the fact that it is both dehumanizing and inaccurate to deny the existence of a person due to their gender identity. Denying the existence of a person is a violation of their human and civil rights. This is not to say that Spooner is anti-trans; however, his usage of the word “transgenderism” seems to have been influenced by anti-trans extremist ideology and media.
Second, Spooner uses the term “gender ideology” in the blog’s title, “FCPS Moves Closer to Gender Ideology Instruction in Elementary Schools.” Although he never defines what this means, the term “gender ideology” seems to have a clear meaning to the audience of the Monitor, Fairfax GOP, and PDE. His blog inflamed readers who likened “gender ideology” to a cult and advocated that parents should “rise up In large numbers and confront this radical gender ideology.” Because of their shared fear and anger about “gender ideology,” commenters described FLECAC members as groomers who are sexualizing and experimenting on children.
None of these inflammatory comments made sense to me, but that was because I was unaware that the term “gender ideology” has been redefined to be rooted in anti-LGBTQIA extremist conspiracy theories which the American Defamation League (ADL) says, "characterize attempts to achieve LGBTQ+ rights or representation as an extreme ideology or even part of a nefarious left-wing plot to dominate public institutions…." Furthermore, the ADL says that proponents of such rhetoric "often use it to oppose school curricula that feature and/or celebrate LGBTQ+ history or experiences, falsely claiming that such materials promote the sexualization of minors and/or coerce children into identifying as members of the LGBTQ+ community." See ADL's report tracking anti-Transgender rhetoric here.
I do not know whether Spooner has fallen into the trap of misusing these definitions as outlined above; however, commenters on his and the associated blogs have clearly accepted such inaccurate, extremist, and dehumanizing use of the word “gender ideology.”
Finally, Spooner calls the phrase “sex assigned at birth” radical, despite it being approved in 2018 for FCPS FLE. “Sex assigned at birth” is the accepted term by major medical groups like the American Association of Pediatrics and the American Medical Association, thus it is scientifically accurate. Nevertheless, the Monitor blog claims that “gender assigned at birth” is “highly controversial but scientifically wrong,” which is sadly incorrect.
Human and Civil Rights
Merely because there is controversy does not mean that schools or the state can ignore basic civil rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness as detailed in the Declaration of Independence that inspired our representative democracy.
Spooner’s assertion that “transgenderism is one of the most controversial issues in today’s society” sounds eerily similar to rhetoric used to over history to prevent certain demographic groups from having rights in American society including women in the workplace, Black students in public schools, and all having rights to interracial or gay marriage.
Civil rights should always trump controversy, and in fact many of our most esteemed civil rights have been born of controversy. For example, in the 1960s integration and voting rights were some of the “most controversial issues;” however, the Supreme Court and civil rights laws supported the rights of Black citizens to vote, be educated, have access to housing, and exist without Jim Crow.
Similarly, Virginia has laws that govern the rights of transgender individuals, as does the United States, all of which confirm the rights of transgender individuals to exist, including to be employed, attend school, and have equal access to medical treatment. Thus FCPS Regulation 3280.4 applies to differences of opinion and seems more applicable to civics lessons than lessons on biology, despite Spooner’s assertions.
Final Thoughts
I respect Spooner’s interest in attending the meetings and sharing information. I wish more community members attended in good faith to understand the role and actions of FLECAC. However, I do not appreciate fear-mongering and disinformation associated with a campaign against the FLE committee and FCPS students, staff, and families. No volunteer deserves to be targeted or to feel unsafe. Additionally, it was out of line for Spooner to directly contact anyone other than the FCPS liaison for the committee–sending letters to volunteers’ work or home addresses is unconscionable and intimidating.
Spooner’s blog and letter display confusion about FLECAC’s role in the FLE curriculum. FLECAC’s role is to “provide advice and recommendations to the curriculum coordinator as objectives and descriptive statements are developed and basal materials are considered for use in instruction (FCPS Regulation 1708).” Thus Spooner’s argument that descriptors should be “more specific” and less “vanilla” countered the goals of FLECAC. Curriculum development is conducted by trained educators and health professionals, not FLECAC–see the curriculum development process to learn more–therefore, it is nonsensical that he would expect specificity from the descriptive statements produced by FLECAC.
I am confused why Mr. Spooner is so involved in this subject and has spent significant time and energy writing blogs about the FLECAC, FCPS Pride, and “transgender issues” (his term) despite having no children in FCPS, little knowledge of 21st Century sex education curricula, and no training in this arena.
Spooner has sued FCPS five times, and one of his lawsuits cost $266,270 in outside legal fees, which means that significant time and money was spent by our school system to address his seemingly politically motivated lawsuits. Are his blogs another burden on FCPS to pursue a political agenda? Of course, he has the right to free speech and action, even if it comes at a financial burden to our school system, but his motivation in this arena of sex education is concerning since his blogs involve anti-science, anti-safety, and anti-LGBTQIA themes and suggestions. Also, how much time do his inquiries, blogs, advocacy, and lawsuits take away from the education of our school children?
What is truly concerning is that a political party and an extremist group amplified his Monitor blog, despite it containing a wealth of flaws. I’ve been watching the interplay of extremist political forces for the last four years, and I can tell you that an inaccurate, biased blog about a minor school system committee changing one word (i.e., adding “gender”) doesn’t “accidently” get amplified by multiple venues outside of a person’s personal vanity project. That doesn't “just happen.” However, repetition is key to any successful disinformation campaign.
Even the timing is suspect: Mr. Spooner published his blog on 12/31/24, Fairfax GOP published his blog on 1/1/25, Erika Sanzi of PDE published a version on 1/2/25, and the Federalist published a blog on the “radical trans activism” of FLECAC on 1/2/25. I don’t know about you, but I was celebrating the holidays with friends and family during that same time period.
It is obvious that there is interplay among the parties involved and intent beyond the words of the blog. Spooner has frequently partnered with Stephanie Lundquist-Arora, whose 1/2/25 Federalist editorial described the FLECAC volunteers as “extremists” with seemingly the “sole intent of indoctrinating our young children in transgender ideology.” Lundquist-Arora has also referred to these tireless FCPS volunteers as “leftists” who are trying to groom students, and she has called those who rally for LGBTQIA civil rights a “trans cult made up of mostly bored white women.”
Lundquist-Arora is also the Chapter Chair of Independent Women’s (IWN) Network, and has written numerous anti-trans editorials and also sued FCPS multiple times, including a current suit against transgender student rights. Her group and its sister group, Independent Women’s Forum (IWF, an anti-feminist group that partners with hate groups), have long pursued anti-LGBTQIA legislation and advocacy, using dangerous stereotypes and tropes to categorize transgender children. IWF and Lundquist-Arora frequently partner with Fairfax GOP and PDE.
Efforts have been made by Mr. Spooner, Fairfax GOP, PDE, and Lundquist-Arora to inflame people to “make their voices heard;” even though the public is not permitted to speak during FLECAC meetings, just observe. Based on the responses to his blog and letter, one might be concerned that their invitees will have trouble maintaining control during the meeting.
Unfortunately, students, parents, staff, and health professionals are caught in the crossfire as the FLE curriculum and the existence of LGBTQIA kids are used for political gain. No one in our community should be forced to go back in the closet, or excluded from public schools.
Whether intentionally or not, Spooner’s blog has fanned the flames of hate and disinformation in Fairfax County. As a result, I and others are being threatened online by extremists, and possibly neighbors, some of whom have said that the FLECAC volunteers belong in prison.
Those of us who volunteer to do unpaid labor for our school system deserve to feel safe. There can be differences of opinion, but it is unnecessary to demonize those of us who give up our time with our friends and family to try to make our schools inclusive, supportive, and respectful spaces for all to work and learn.
If you would like to learn more, please consider attending a FLECAC meeting, which occur on the second Wednesday of the month from 7-9pm in the Gatehouse Administration Center Cafeteria. The next meetings are on 2/12/25, 3/12/25, 4/9/25.
Please see the FCPS FLE Program if you have questions about its content.
Note: There is a rebuttal by the Monitor to this blog. Unfortunately, there are claims and accusations in the Monitor blog that are incorrect and/or continue to use anti-LGBTQIA dog whistles. I will not take the time to address them at this time; however, I strongly suggest that a closer reading of this 4PE blog may clear up some confusion. For example:
Describing language as transphobic is not the same as calling a person transphobic.
Similarly, an ad hominem attack is an argument or reaction directed against a person rather than the position they are maintaining. By addressing words and behavior, this blog is not an ad hominem attack.
No one accused Spooner of using "angry rhetoric;" however, there is clearly angry rhetoric "surrounding his blog" which includes responses to his blog and responses to amplification of his blog.
Accuracy matters.
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